Like all of us, Barack "Slow Jammin' da News" Obama is concerned about the lack of seriousness and substance in today's news media, when there are so many important, complex, and critical issues the nation must consider.
Which is why he gave a speech at the all-female Barnard College, telling the liberalettes in the audience that they shouldn't believe all the media reports about ugly politics, gridlocked legislators, job losses, and other entirely-accurate updates on his administration.
"Every day," he moaned, "you receive a steady stream of sensationalism and scandal."
Fortunately, Mr. Obama himself immediately went into action to raise the bar on journalistic substance and integrity by releasing a campaign attack ad which attacked Mitt Romney as being "like a vampire." And not the kind that glitters in the sunlight and makes all the teen girls swoon. NOoooo, Romney is the kind of vampire who sweeps into hardworking little towns, throws back his cape, and sucks the blood out of Walmart shoppers and leaves their bodies as dried, dessicated little shells on their own windowsills.
And did we mention that he laughs "Nyah-ha-ha!" while doing it?
Anyway, that's the kind of "just the facts, ma'am" journalism that Barack Obama feels our nation needs to return to. With real reporters and real editors asking the tough questions on real news shows.
You know, like the serious questions about Kim Kardashian and sex fantasies that Obama just went on "The View" to answer...while tapdancing through his not-quite-convincing "support" of gay marriage. "Just between us girls," he might well have said, he doesn't "blame" Joe Biden for supporting gay marriage (huh?), but says that Joe "got out ahead of his skis a bit" (huh?), and that his policy regarding repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act is exactly the same as that of Mitt Romney, with the exception that the president feels vaguely bad about it.
Frankly, Hope n' Change isn't quite ready to declare Obama a media vampire... but we will say that whenever he gets in front of a camera...boy, does that guy suck.
Barack Obama visits "The View" to discuss the need for seriousness in the news.